Well see, what had happened was...

I found this thing on my neck.  Actually not on my neck per se, but more at the point where your jaw curves on the left side.  It was small and round, a little bumpy but solid.  It didn't hurt.  I don't know how long it had been there before I found it, but once I felt it, I made everyone else feel it too. 

"Ewww, no."

 "WHAT is that??"

"You should definitely get that checked out.  Like, now."

So I did.  About 3 years ago.  My primary care physician- let's call him Dr. General- felt it and said that it was most likely a lymph node but he couldn't be sure because of its location. 

Dr. G: "I think I will refer you to a specialist.
Me: "Okay."
Dr. G: "But because of the location, I'm not sure who to send you to. Perhaps, I'll send you to an ENT because it's on your neck."
Me: "Okay"
 (See how intensely involved I was in all this.)

So, then I had a visit with the ENT that did my "nose job" in 2003 or 2004, oh whatever, years ago.  AND YES, I did have a nose job ( it was just internal turbinate reduction surgery, but still, I had an operation on my nose, so I call it that.  Mainly to have people comment on how natural my nose looks now.)
 At this visit with Dr. Nose, he felt my neck and looked in my throat and up my nose and diagnosed me with an enlarged lymph node.

Dr. N: "Oh, it's an enlarged lymph node.  Sometimes they enlarge and they never go down.  Do you have any active infections in this general area?"
Me: "Nope."
Dr. N: " Well, look see, you have another one big one over here.  As long as it doesn't get bigger or change in how it feels, it's probably nothing."
Me: "Umm, okay." (Again with the intensive interview process with the skilled physician.)

And that folks, brings us to October 2011.  I make an appointment with Dr. General again, because even though I am not a doctor (but I have made cameo appearances in the past), even IF it is an enlarged lymph node, it should NOT be enlarged for no reason for years.  Dr. G tells me that he wouldn't be worried about it because there has not been any significant changes, but it's not his neck.  And he is RIGHT.  It's on mine and I wanna know what it is.

Is it a tumor?
Is it cancer?
Is it an unborn twin (gross but sorta neat)?


He gives me a referral to another ENT on Kent Island.  This doctor, Dr. Correct Diagnosis, goes over the regular looking up your nose, in your throat, in your ears.  He gives me a numbing medication and proceeds to stick a laproscopic scope up my nose and down my throat (was not expecting that, but it didn't hurt).  Dr. CD feels on my neck and states:

Dr. CD: "It could be a lymph node." (Seriously, Dr.?) " But it could be a lipoma- a fatty tumor.  We should do a needle biopsy and then send you for a CT scan."

Finally, we're getting somewhere.

Dr. CD: "Sit here and I'll go get the needle for the biopsy."
Me: "Say what?!?!?"

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind needles, I give blood all the time.  Phlebotomists love me because my veins are so big.  Really. 

But to be told that you're going to have a needle stuck into your neck in a matter of minutes is a little nerve racking.

Dr. CD comes back and does the needle biopsy with no anesthesia, just an alcohol swab.  The first (yes ,there was more than one) did not hurt. Just odd to hear that clicking noise as the needle got some tissue.  Now that second needle. Sweet Mama Lucia, that sucker hurt.  Dr. CD said that he had to move the lump around to make sure he got enough usable tissue. And then put a Band-Aid on once he was done. I looked cute.

Fast forward two weeks, where I had to get blood work done and a CT scan.

The scan was not bad.  They tell you that you cannot move and of course, then and only then, you have to move or cough or scratch.  I had to get contrast so the area would show up on the scan. They tell you that you may feel some burning, itching or like you are peeing yourself.
Guess which side effect I experienced?

It felt like I was actually wetting myself.  Why is THAT a side effect??? A warm crotch. Wonderful.

A week later, I go back to see Dr. CD. I had to sit in the room alone for about 15 minutes and in that time period, a lot of thoughts went through my head.  What if it is a lymph node?  What if it is cancer???  This doctor could come in and change my life forever.  Very solemn and quiet time.
Dr. CD comes in and he tells me that I have a pleomorphic adenoma. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleomorphic_adenoma

 All I heard was "oma". Cancer.
But then I think, wait, "oma" means body.  Thanks SAT prep!

Me: "Can you repeat that?"
Dr. CD: " You have a benign mixed cell tumor at the tail of your left parotid gland.  It is one of the most common tumors in this area.  Usually, they do get bigger but at any time they can become malignant. And malignant tumors in this area get nasty and are aggressive.  So we can wait and watch what happens, or we can move forward with a resection/removal."
Me: " Let's take it out."

And that brings us to the present.  I go for my pre-op appointment on January 2nd and the surgery is on January 5th.

A new scar for the new year!

In the beginning, there was this blog... and it was funny.

I have decided to do this blog for several reasons.
1. Because I want to chronicle this surgery and the recovery for posterity for all time. (or mainly just for my friends and family).
2. I have wanted to do a blog but never had anything interesting to write about.
3. I like the interwebs.
4. It will keep me occupied while I am recuperating and have nothing to do while I am sitting at home.  For two weeks.  No work full-time. Part-time. No hustle.  No TKD.  This may drive me nutty.
5. I want to see what I look and sound like high on pain pills.

This is going to be awesome!